Some girls have known from the time that they were little that they wanted to go on a mission. Some girls have had the thought that if they didn't get married that they would go. Neither of those were the case for me. I had never thought about it. The thought never crossed my mind. I thought that my life was going in a different direction, and I had other plans.
I decided that I shouldn't make plans anymore because they never go how I plan them. When I moved to Cedar City a couple of years ago, I had every intention of starting school. That didn't happen. I was having trouble finding a place to live, with great girls who had the same standards, where I could feel the spirit every day. I had trouble finding good transportation. I also had trouble with finding a good job to pay my bills, and still be able to save up for school. Nothing was working out in Cedar. I kept praying and had the feeling that I needed to move away. My parents received the same answer. Of course I ignored that prompting because I loved Cedar City so much. I didn't want to move away from such a great place and such great people. Things just got worse.
I applied for jobs in Cedar City, Castle Dale, and even Logan because I was just desperate for a good job. My sister had a place in Logan at the time, so that's the only reason why I applied for jobs in Logan. I got a call one day asking if I could come in for an interview. A couple of days later I drove all the way to Logan for the interview, and drove back to Cedar. I got the job, and a week later I moved to Logan the day that I started work. It was definitely like taking the Band-Aid off fast. I didn't say many goodbyes. I just left, but it definitely felt like the right thing to do.
Moving to Logan took a while to get used to. Who knew that I would ever end up in Logan?! I definitely didn't! My sister and her husband were living in Georgia at the time for his job, so I was the only one at the house. I didn't have TV or internet at the time, and I knew nobody. I also spent all my money in gas from moving. It was miserable. I worked every Sunday and Monday, so I never got the chance to meet anybody in our ward.
I got so bored and miserable that I started to lose my faith. I stopped reading my scriptures and praying as often as I should. I also made some choices that I knew I would regret. It took me a while to come to my senses to realize that I wasn't happy. The decisions that I was making weren't worth it.
Thanks to a friend, wonderful bishop, and a very loving Heavenly Father I finally found true happiness again. I have never felt so much love in my entire life. I can't tell you how great it feels when you finally feel forgiven. It's such a wonderful feeling! I'm so grateful for the Atonement. I know that through the Atonement we can repent and be forgiven. I know that Christ atoned for us because he loves us!
About a month ago, I got notified that the assistant manager of the office that I was working for in Cedar was moving to Logan to manage his own office. He offered me a position. I was stoked. I finally had the chance to work two jobs, and to save up for school. I could finally go to school in the fall. I changed my availability at Wal-Mart, and got my schedules figured out. I would work 9-5 Mon-Fri at Vector, and 6-11 and all day Saturday at Wal-Mart. It would be insane, but it would be worth it.
One night I was having a conversation with my roommate, Angie. She's such a spiritual girl, and such an example. I was telling her that nothing for me ever goes as planned. I told her that I never have a clear answer of what I'm supposed to do, and that I feel like God is trying to get me to make my own choices. She said that she always gets those super clear answers, and she always knows what she's supposed to do. I told her that I wished that would happen the same way for me.
The next morning I woke up and it hit me. I was supposed to go on a mission. I have never had an answer so clear in my life. I didn't know what to think about it at first. I finally had the chance to go to school, and if I went on a mission it would put me back another two years. I also started to doubt myself that I could do it. There wasn't much thought, though. The answer was so clear, and this is what I needed to do. There was nothing that I wanted more than to help others feel of the same joy I did.
This is why nothing worked out in Cedar. This is why I never had a good relationship. This is why school wasn't working out. God needed me to go on a mission. I can't wait to get my papers in. I am already anxious to know where I'm going, so I can't imagine how it will be when my papers are actually in. I'm so excited to serve wherever I am called! (: